FAITHFULNESS Russell Delman January 2016
What are you faithful to?
What might it mean to have faith in our truest and deepest Self?
What might it mean to our loved one’s to have faith in their truth, beauty and goodness?
Zen master Shunryu Suzuki often talked about having confidence in our Buddha nature. For me this confidence implies a kind of faithfulness to who we truly are. Beyond and before our personal neurosis (wounds, blind spots etc.), there is the unconditioned, “Original Self” that cannot be sullied by everyday life. It is like clouds leaving no trace on the vast blue sky. To have direct experience of this larger sense of Self changes everything. With renewed confidence, we can work with our personal limitations and rough spots without so much desperation. Life feels “workable”, even with our problems. To be clear- it still does not feel wonderful or positive when our historical limitations arise yet, through this kind of Self remembering, we do not feel overwhelmed.
My wife Linda recently showed me how Austrian philosopher and visionary Rudolf Steiner used the term Faithfulness to point to this kind of seeing in our relationships (see quote at the end). We can sincerely ask the question, “what am I faithful to?” Do I live in a perceptual field that keeps confirming my insecurities, limitations and sins (the original meaning of sin is “off the mark”, as in making a mistake). Do I choose to emphasize these aspects of my loved ones? How often am I faithful to the highest and deepest in myself and in others?
Our experience of life is shaped by our patterns of attention and perception. Human freedom is possible mainly because of our capacity to change our ways of attending, intending, perceiving, thinking, and moving. The great gift of the human being is the freedom to re-create a world through our neurally plastic brains. Emphasizing the deepest and truest does NOT mean we must ignore the painful patterns that we also enact. We can honestly assess ourselves and others while being faithful to the goodness that is always there also.
Perceiving the essential goodness of Life is not difficult. We have all had many experiences of this goodness as children, even those of us born into challenging conditions. We all have experienced moments of deep connectedness or oneness with life, which creates the pre-verbal sense that “life is good”. Many descriptions that we read in spiritual literature make this state sound so big and rare that we do not honor the ways in which our sense of wholeness, connectedness and at-one-ment actually arise in our everyday experience. It takes some guidance and practice in our attention to recognize the simple, ordinary and frequent ways these moments happen. A practice of sitting meditation is very helpful to attune to these states. Momentary states repeated often enough become traits; it becomes natural to have confidence in the true “I”. We can then be faithful to the loving, connected, whole Being that we are.
In our close relationships we need other people, or at least one other person, who sees our essence. When someone can attest to, what Buddha called our “basic goodness”, our social, relational brain can embody this knowing. Neural patterns of worthiness and lovability then deepen. One of the great gifts we give to our partners, children and friends is to be faithful to the uniquely exquisite person living behind those eyes. This is one of the highest, most significant expressions of love.
To repeat, this Faithfulness is not a denial of our confusion or our negative habits. In fact, we can now have the confidence to face our “distressing disguises”, as Mother Teresa called these errors of identity. The negative bias of our nervous systems often results in the habit of looking for what is wrong in ourselves or in our partners. How different it is when we can accept, acknowledge and work with our painful habits yet know, deeply, undeniably in our core, that this personality trait is not the essence of who we are!
This Faithfulness is an act of attention, intention and love.
May we all freely choose and commit to this direction of consciousness.
“Let your loyalty to another human being come about in this way: there will be
moments — quickly passing by — when he will seem to you filled and illumined by the
true, primal image of his spirit.
Then can come, yes, will come, long stretches of time when your fellow-being seems
clouded, even darkened. But learn at these times to say to yourself: The spirit will
strengthen me; I will remember the true, unchanging image that I once saw. Nothing
at all — neither deception nor disguise — can take it away from me.
Struggle again and again for the true picture that you saw. The struggle itself is your
And in those efforts to be faithful and to trust, a human being will come close to
another as if with an angel’s power of protection.”
The Joy of Giving: Yesterday and Today
Once upon a Time
In a land far away
A Middle Eastern family
Israeli? Palestinian? Syrian?
Sought shelter in a foreign land
Was it Bethlehem? Switzerland? the United States?
Right now, as then, families shivering and hungry
Throughout the town there was no place for them
Many people could not help
No resources, no space- truly understandable
Sometimes it is not easy to help another
Some could help and would not
they were filled with fear, self-protection
“they look so different from us”
we seem to have a powerful, selfish gene
Finally, a kind inn keeper
- We are so caring also
Opened his heart and his manger
- Our heart and our manger
Giving the family respite from the cold
Generosity feels so good and so right!
- We all get warmer in this moment
May all the homeless in our world
May all the hungry
May all who have the capacity to help
Find the Joy of Giving.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
A Conversation: Can Meditation Help the World?
She was an environmental activist.
Her passion for the earth radiated from every pore.
To her, sitting in silence was worse than an ordinary waste of time. It was white, middle class indulgence. “How can this sitting in meditation help the world?” she asked.
“I don’t know” were the first words to come from my mouth.
After some time I asked, “do you think we are connected to the animals, the plants and the earth”?
“Of course”, she answered, “we are all part of one body”.
“Do you think it makes a difference if you can actually sense the earth under your feet supporting you, feel the vitality of the air moving through your lungs and nostrils and gratefully taste the indescribable freshness of cool water when thirsty?”
“Of course, but what does that have to do with meditation?” she wondered.
“For me meditation is being alive to all that is. This includes profound gratitude for the gifts that sustain us and the deep inter-connectedness to our shared life”.
“But what about thoughts and feelings, aren’t they different than the physical stuff you are speaking of?”
I reflected for a few moments. “ It seems to me that everything is part of one thing. All our thoughts are connected to the physical world - first through the tissues, synapses, neurotransmitters, etc. in our physical bodies. Our thoughts and feelings effect our actions and those of others in the world. Each thought is like a pebble rippling in the pond of life.
For example, the other day when the weather became so cold, I was feeling concerned about the local homeless people. I then read a story about a twelve year old boy who had the idea of collecting blankets and giving them out. The article showed pictures of very grateful people wrapped in the warm blankets. This young boy’s thoughts created feelings and actions that made a difference for needy people and through the newspaper article, inspired others. This is happening all the time”.
She then said, “I see how thoughts create actions, but are you saying that just sitting in meditation is helpful?”
After another breath and a long pause, I said: “the more caring and clarity that I grow in my inner world, the more these qualities live in our shared world. The more at home I am in myself, the more at home I am in the world. In my opinion, when I generate violent thoughts, there is more violence in the world, even when I do not act directly upon the thoughts.
Through meditation, I can see the kinds of thoughts that arise in my mind and I can choose to cultivate those that are more helpful and life-giving. Working directly on the external situations of the planet, as you do, is essential. It also seems to me that healing THIS mind and heart, this ‘inner’ world is inseparable from healing the ‘outer’ world. One Body, One Life , One World!”
“Thank you, what you are saying makes sense to me. Can we meditate together? ” she said.
“Listen to the Voices of the Soil”.( Sluchac Glosu Ziemi Oswiecimskieg ):
Reflections on Auschwitz
“Listen to the voices of the soil.” Passing through the gates of Auschwitz-Birkenau during the Zen Peacemakers “Bearing Witness Retreat”, my body resonates with this Polish expression encouraging us to listen to the soil as a way of being in this place. The body of the earth, my human body and all the bodies that were extinguished here and now feed the trees and grass bear witness to the unbearable.Finding my own voice for this writing has been challenging. What to say? What does not sound trite, disturbingly familiar, or just somehow wrong? Then these attacks in Paris exploded into consciousness. Along with the bombings in Beirut, Baghdad and the Russian plane in the Sinai, though not the same as genocide, these acts, I believe, arise from the same dark places within human beings. Bearing witness to the past is also bearing witness to the present and the future.
May these somewhat random reflections be helpful in some way:
My first shock is discovering that it is not the deaths that touch deepest. Somehow I am at peace with the reality of death. There is some kind of core knowing that love is stronger than death. Something in me can bow to the passing of young and old. This bowing includes deep, wrenching sorrow. Still, in this place, it is not the deaths, it is the inhumanity, the cruelty, the intentional attempt to destroy the human spirit that twists in my guts. The casual enjoyment of debasement, even as it obviously debases the perpetrator, evokes some kind of deep shout, “NO” – this is not possible, not acceptable, a loud desperate “NO, not in my world”!
We are an interfaith group with services offered in Buddhist, Jewish, Christian, Islamic and Native American (Lakota) traditions. Father Manfred, a Catholic priest from Germany who came for one year to face his cultural guilt and has stayed for more than twenty years, leads a small group of us through the “Stations of the Cross”. The words from Jesus Christ as he is being crucified: “My God, My God, why hath Thou forsaken me?” , seem to me to be the most essential, heartwrenching prayer/meditation/question for all of us in the face of such wanton acts. For Jewish people, committed to their covenant with God while enduring this vicious attempt at their annihilation, this question cuts to the core of faith. Yet, isn’t it true for all of us? Whether we say God, Life, Nature, Destiny, What Is or whatever term we give to our deepest understanding of this journey through life – in our dark nights, we ask loudly or quietly, “why me?” “How did this happen?” And perhaps, “please help me.”
One marvels in mystery at the ensuing phrase on the cross: “Into your hands I commend my Spirit”. This willingness to say “even when I feel abandoned by you, I do not turn away from you” is an act of such trust. Where do we ordinary human beings find the faith, courage, and commitment to Life in such circumstance? Buddha taught about the “basic goodness” of our true nature. At our core, we are good and Life is good. Confidence in this essential goodness, not as a denial or rationalization but as a preverbal knowing is also an act of great faith. We could also say: “Into the unfolding of this Life, I commend my spirit”. Even those of us committed to “not knowing” as a core tenet for living this life, can find solace connecting to the essence of being alive. Perhaps
this is where meditation and prayer meet.
Right now, how do we open our eyes to all that is occurring to our precious earth, to the animals, to our fellow human beings and still have faith in THIS life? With or without theistic language, what is it to witness violent destruction and yet maintain faith in the unfolding of our Life process? There are exquisite, noble trees that were continually raining bright yellow leaves upon our heads at Auschwitz, trees that grew from the ashes of innocent beings. To live with eyes open and a thoroughly loving heart is our incredibly demanding task. Rather than contributing to the fear and divisiveness, can we be emissaries of love and care for all beings? How can we overcome our fear? How can our experience of interconnectivity and our confidence in this unknowable life process become our ground state? There are no answers, only these profound questions for each of us to live into from the foundation of our Being.
In the last two days at Birkenau, I experience a turning, something changing in me. We practice meditation in two main forms at the railroad tracks where the “selections” would occur: 1) just sitting in the silence, and 2) taking turns reciting the names of people who died here. During my final reading, the names of two babies, Helga Wagner 1941-1943 and Josef Wagner 1942-1943 appeared on my list. Whereas I could find peace with the deaths of millions, the extinguishing of these two particular rays of light broke through to a new place in me. It is not the idea that I often hear of “what they could have been”, rather, it is just the absencing of the individual, these individuals and the preciousness of each human being.
I am reminded of my heart teacher Shunryu Suzuki saying “just to be alive is enough”. And this is the great teaching that is reaffirmed from bearing witness here. We share this life together, this unfathomable gift. We value it and preserve it together. Knowing how each spoonful of soup was lifesaving in the camps, I notice my eating here at home is different. When I am eating, I eat with everyone. When I feel cold, I notice my thoughts go to those refugees and other homeless people who, right now, are shivering. Surprisingly, these spontaneous connections do not create guilt but rather profound gratitude for the simple gifts of life. From this gratitude for the abundant comforts in my world, I am also inspired to take actions that hopefully can relieve the suffering of others. Both of these seems equally important to me – deep gratitude, really letting in the joys and gifts that arise in my world, along with actions for the benefit of others. Auschwitz is a place of vast destruction and great healing, listening to the voices of this soil, I am profoundly grateful.
“A sacred place is one where the earth’s voice can be heard clearly. Go to these places and listen. Once you have heard her, she can reach you anywhere”. Frederic Lehrman
(at the entrance of “The Center for Dialogue and Prayer” where we stayed during our retreat)
Bearing Witness to the Impossible and Unfathomable*
Russell Delman October 2015
Before going to Rwanda with the Zen Peacemakers in 2014 for the twentieth commemoration of that country's incomprehensible genocide, I immersed myself in many books with divergent depictions of the events and their causes. Still, when standing on the actual soil that witnessed these brutalities and meeting perpetrators as well as surviving victims, I see now that preparation was both necessary and impossible.
Next week, I travel with the Zen Peacemakers for a "Bearing Witness Retreat" to Auschwitz and Birkenau, places of devastation that were dedicated to the annihilation of humanness. Similar to the visit to Rwanda and the Street Retreat that I wrote about last year, the intentions of these events emanate from the three tenets of the Zen Peacemakers: "not-knowing" (entering a situation with an open mind and heart), "bearing witness" (opening to the sorrow and joy living in that situation) and "right action" (doing the appropriate, life-affirming actions that arise from not-knowing and bearing witness).
Again, I am preparing by reading many accounts from diverse perspectives, knowing that preparation is impossible. One of my favorite Zen sayings is "because it is impossible, we do it". These retreats are not a naive attempt at fixing, understanding or even some kind of intentional healing. Rather, bearing witness from the ground of not-knowing means holding the intention to be present for what lives in and around us when engaging wholeheartedly on the land and in the stories that arise from these places. What leads some human beings - people like you and me - to revel in destroying life and the dehumanization of others? What leads other people to survive in unbearable conditions, some to give up because it is just too much to bear, and still others to find the cunning or wickedness to get by? I know that all of these responses potentially live in me and the roots of these actions live in all of us. Part of my learning is to see through these extreme examples how human beings create categories of worthiness and unworthiness and see how we all, in much more subtle ways, can close our hearts and perpetuate mental violence toward others and ourselves. Our habits of destructive judgements arise from the same "dominance system" that thrives in so many of our world cultures.
Who is unworthy of our caring?
Who or what do we cast out of our hearts?
For some it is women, for some it is men. For others, criminals, police, drug addicts or homeless people. What about CEO's, republicans, democrats or transgender people? How do we create effective personal boundaries, speak up against life’s unacceptable behavior AND, simultaneously, be a force of unconditional, radiant love into our world? When we see deeply, there is no THEM - only US. There is really only US. Just as the right hand won't intentionally hurt the left, the experience of interconnectivity naturally brings forward goodwill, forgiveness, understanding AND standing up for life. We neither choose passive acceptance nor do we demonize others. We do not accept the polluting actions of some corporate executives yet we do not create hatred either. Seeing clearly with an open, at times broken heart, we can move toward life-affirming action. To me, this is a central and incredibly challenging task of our collective awakening.
Please join me in your heart, your prayers and meditations from November 2-8 for this "Bearing Witness Retreat".
*For my European friends:
"Bearing" has the sense of "tolerating or living with". To "bear our pain" is to somehow carry it, without denying it or being overwhelmed by it. To witness is to be present for. In The Embodied Life work we call this "presencing".
Unfathomable means unimaginable.
The Challenge of Caring:
Who Do You Cast Out of Your Heart?
Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed. This is an ancient and eternal law.
In my opinion, humanity has a daunting task to fulfill our ultimate potential which is: extending our field of care to include all of Life.
Human beings live between two poles: our sense of connectedness to all of life called “love” and our sense of separation. We can sense ourselves both as “a part of” our world and “apart from” our world. Without forgetting the importance of healthy autonomy, this “a part of” and “apart from” is the essential difference between true joy and depression, between being at home in one’s life or alone in this universe. Please take a moment to notice, in your bodily felt-sense, the difference between these two.
Often these two poles live in a state of compromise where our care, our love, is extended beyond ourselves to distinctly defined groups called “us”. The world becomes divided into “us”, the one’s who live in our field of care, and “them” those who do not. “Us” can include our families, our pets, our gender, our football team, our gang, friends, wherever we choose to define the limits. We are inclined to extend care to our tribe, our family, those who look and believe like us and exclude those who seem different. Different seems implicitly dangerous. There is a neurological bias for tribalism. For humanity to survive, this is no longer an option. The good news is that we have the capacity to rewire our predilection toward exclusion of "other". Our self-identity can move from narrowly defined fields to, in the words of Buddha, include “all sentient beings”.
As I look around the world today, this means that:
all the refugees seeking a safe homeland for their children and themselves are my family
all the people in the countries who are afraid of being overwhelmed by the needs of so many are also my family.
the African-American man walking down the street whose blood pressure rises upon seeing a policeman is my family
the policeman who is scared from both unconscious learning and some life experience is also my family
the fighter for IS is my family
the people fighting to disempower IS are my family
that man who feels entitled to abuse that woman is my family
that crying woman is my family
people drilling in the Arctic are my family
those opposing this drilling are my family
ON and ON.....
I imagine that this is difficult to read. I am not suggesting a "flatland" in which all points of view are equally valid. We need to have both the courage to stand up to power AND to relate to the hurting, confused human being who acts in unacceptable ways. A profoundly human challenge is to separate the person from the behavior while simultaneously holding ourselves and others responsible for actions. Even with our own compulsions and negative behaviors, can we hold ourselves accountable AND maintain a warm heart toward the inner pain that is driving our action?
Said another way, can we open our hearts enough to see that it is always "hurting people who are hurting people". Just as your right hand will not intentionally hurt your left hand, when you have the inner sense of connection to life, you want to take care of the world and all of its inhabitants. They are your family. When we do not sense this interconnectivity, when we are “apart from”, we are hurting. Always...
Striking out at others is a convoluted, ultimately unsuccessful way, of attempting to ease our own pain. Almost all child abusers were abused as children. This does not excuse the behavior but maybe allows our hearts to open, even as we hold the perpetrator responsible for their actions. The unconscious urge to dominate others or the earth itself comes from deep and painful disconnection. This is true whether we are hurting another or ourselves. Separating the actor from the action is why so many thoughtful people consider forgiveness the highest of human virtues.
To adopt this way of living and seeing, we need to withstand the discomfort and dissonance of seeing that everybody makes sense from their life experience and biology. Many years ago, while working in a fairly tough drug rehabilitation facility, I learned that whenever I heard the painful life story of anybody, including rapists, child molesters and killers, my heart opened to that human being, even as I despised their actions. There was always a hurting human being lingering in there.
Everybody is doing their best at any moment to find fulfillment and meaning in their life, given their personal history and capacity at that moment. EVERYBODY.
Moshe Feldenkrais taught the importance of paradoxical thinking. When I told him of my deep interest in Zen, he said that if he didn't have his own teaching he would study Zen because, like the great Talmudic scholars, they understand paradox. He often said "you do not really understand your opponent’s point of view until you can argue emotionally from their perspective.” In his recent address to the U.S. Congress, Pope Francis spoke to the necessity of overcoming our tendency toward polarization. We need to walk in the uncomfortable shoes of those we can not understand to really see from their point of view. We can no longer afford “us and them” as an ideology. The world has gotten too small and is too fragile for this paradigm. Can you sense the great challenge that I am addressing here? This capacity of extending our field of care can only happen one person at a time. That means you and me. “Who have I cast out of my field of care?”
To widen our hearts to this degree requires great inner security, courage and love. It is not helpful to try and force ourselves into this perspective. Healing takes time and when our heart cannot forgive, it is important to respect our current limits. Still, to have the flexibility to change our perspective when we have a new insight, the courage to maintain our position when it is aligned with our deepest understanding, AND the ability to take in the perspective of people with whom we strongly disagree, are requirements for the future of humanity. My deep prayer is that this is our collective destiny.
The picture is from the Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial in Washington, D.C.
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
What a mystery it is that we are here and know that we are here! This is what the great French Jesuit priest, scientist and mystic Teilhard de Chardin, Moshe Feldenkrais, Gene Gendlin and Zen masters proclaim in diverse and vital ways. This unfathomable realization made possible by reflective awareness evokes awe, gratitude and deep curiosity.
Teilhard de Chardin’s main field of scientific study was paleontology. I highlight him here as he was an enormously influential forerunner of the emerging paradigm of Deep Earth Studies which includes the conceptual shift from ego-centrism to eco-centrism. We are indebted to him for our growing sense of the earth as a living Being, of Gaia, of the essential inseparability of matter and spirit. He profoundly experienced the continuity between bones, fossils, bodies, the earth, consciousness and our experience of the divine. He also continues to be a bridge between the often divided spiritual/religious view points and scientific methodology.
WE ARE HERE. Uniquely alive in this moment. Teilhard discovered that in the deeply felt, bodily experience of ordinary life we have access to the spiritual world. His profound observation that not only is life evolving but "God is evolving through us", changes everything. Resonating with Zen masters, he saw that through deepening our perception of ordinary reality, we can encounter the spiritual or Absolute dimensions of both human experience and the cosmos.
“Do not forget that the value and interest of life is not so much to do conspicuous things...as to do ordinary things with the perception of their enormous value.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
One does not need to use spiritual language if that does not fit. It seems unfortunate to me when scientifically minded people forego the most profound realizations available to us due to a repulsion against spiritual or religious language. I see many people who were betrayed by the church or spiritual elders, surrendering their capacity for transcendent experience because of old wounds. By transcendent I mean transcending one’s experience and identity beyond the separate self. To sense deep interconnectivity with all of life is transcendent. For some this is called spiritual, for some cosmic consciousness and for others simply profoundly human.
Feldenkrais was very influenced by the Talmudic and Hasidic teachings that were alive in his home and village yet he was not religious. He was uncomfortable with spiritual language. In the San Francisco training in 1975, this scientifically trained man was aghast at the sloppy, new age thinking of many in the group, me included. He demanded more precision in our language. So committed was he to the unbounded potential of embodied awareness that he once said to me with a sly smile: “you can learn more from your skeleton than from your soul”. He was always fascinated by the unlimited potential of human consciousness. In basing his teaching on “awareness through movement”, he was not idolizing the body, rather he was pointing toward a different kind of textbook based in experiencing through bodily movement. He knew that deep, embodied experience could also be transcendent.
“In those moments when awareness succeeds in being at one with feeling, senses, movement and thought, the carriage (ed. the organism) will speed along the right road. Then man can make discoveries, invent, create, innovate, and ‘know’. He grasps that his small world and the great world are but one and that in this unity he is no longer alone.
Gendlin says the key for him is "to be connected to the larger system" though he is loathe to speak about God or spirituality. In conversation, Gene, who experienced the Nazi’s taking over his family apartment in Vienna and other horrors as a small boy, curses when referring to God and then says something profoundly transcendent like his famous quote:
“Your physically felt body is, in fact, part of a gigantic system of here and other places, now and other times, you and other people, in fact the whole universe. This sense of being bodily alive in a vast system is the body as it is felt from the inside”. Gene Gendlin
Without using “spiritual language” both Moshe and Gene, based on my conversations with them, had/have deep experience of the transcendent. They rail against the limitations created by habitual language and thought. Typical categories- body, mind, spirit- break down when we place our focus on the vitality and wholeness of our lived experience. This is an essential point of living The Embodied Life. By this I mean, the focus is not “the body” as a physical object but how, being grounded in our bodily process, can open us to richer dimensions of consciousness.
I recently began reading the new, remarkable biography of Moshe Feldenkrais written by my friend Mark Reese. What a life! Traveling from his home in the Ukraine by foot, train, boat and carriage at 14 years old with pistol in his boot, this muscular, brilliant young man was already engaging with life in extraordinary ways. As a boy he had seen brutal acts of anti-Semitism yet also discovered an intimate, loving relationship with nature and was already drawn to helping people with disabilities. From his notebooks, we see that he loved both the physical world and self-reflection:
“When I was a child, the sky seemed like a hat on the world…I would start running to hold in my hand the wonderful blue stuff that made up the sky….Still I love the sky very much….I also like the clouds very much. I sit silently and watch the clouds.”
To be alive in itself is enough! To know it, sense it, feel it and symbolize it accurately brings us to a sense of wholeness that is implicitly satisfying. There comes a sense of rightness, JUST in being alive. Feldenkrais used his unique life experience, both the tragedies and gifts, to go deeply into his felt-experience. This integration of bodily experience with reflection and feeling invites a sense of wholeness.
To understand the world knowledge is not enough; you must see it, touch it, live in its presence and drink the vital heat of existence in the very heart of reality
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Two weeks ago I spent the day with Gene Gendlin at his home in New York. Though struggling physically, his mind is bright and his liquid eyes full of kindness. He is the best, most precise and present listener I have ever known. My heart warms remembering the look in his eyes. Each day he awakens with various discomforts yet finds meaning and goodness in JUST being alive. The key for him is connectivity to both his felt-sensing and to the larger system. We spent much of our time discussing death and dying. When asked how are you doing he often says with both gratitude and humor, “”well, I am still here". His passion for going deeply into the experience of being alive is undiminished. Again, allowing the deeply felt, living experience in its wholeness- the pains and joys- invites an unpredictable, life-giving unfolding.
EVERY BAD FEELING IS POTENTIAL ENERGY
TOWARD A MORE RIGHT WAY OF BEING
IF YOU GIVE IT THE SPACE
TO MOVE TOWARD ITS OWN RIGHTNESS
I feel very blessed to have intimate friendship with both Moshe and Gene. I learn different things from each of these creative, dynamic human beings:
Feldenkrais, more physical, more earthy, Gendlin more cerebral and more articulate about his feelings; Feldenkrais emphasizing the doorway of physical movement, Gendlin the doorway of the felt-sense.
Each demonstrates a passion for living, for uncovering meaning, integration and learning. In my language system, different from theirs, they are embodying a profound spirituality. By spirituality, I am pointing toward the deepest and highest, most profound experiences that implicitly are connected to something larger than self. Whether we call that spirit, God, the larger system, the All or Life, the most important thing is that we experience this intimate connection. It is from this experience of connectivity and wholeness, that, I believe, love arises in human beings.
“The most telling and profound way of describing the evolution of the universe would undoubtedly be to trace the evolution of love.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Valuing the gift of embodiment in their differing ways, both Moshe and Gene invite us to:
- question ordinary thinking especially the division of body, mind, spirit,
- commit to the integration of thinking, feeling and sensing,
- value the accurate, creative use of language,
- recognize the wisdom living through bodily experience,
- value the unique beauty and preciousness of your experience being alive.
This same realization is expressed by most Zen masters when they implore their students with the phrase:
Wake up! Do not miss this life”
Ordinary life as lived through this body can connect us to the most profound human experiences. Rather than seeking life in the esoteric, perhaps we can find the esoteric through deepening our experience of everyday life. The gift of being born in a human body is unfathomable. For me, this is the essence of The Embodied Life.
“Our duty, as men and women, is to proceed as if limits to our ability did not exist. We are collaborators in creation.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Sitting with a Broken-Open Heart
Report: Sitting for Peace on Sunday, August 2, 2015
When human beings can sit “at peace” with their own uncomfortable thoughts, images, feelings, and sensations, we will also be able to better understand and eventually welcome the differences we see in others. Bringing love to suffering will include loving actions. Recognizing that it is always “hurt people that hurt people” goes a long way toward helping us separate the actor from the action. Certain actions need to be banished from human behavior yet human beings, in themselves, need redemption not banishment.
Sitting all day, (four, 2.5 hour periods of sitting and walking meditation) is both challenging and fulfilling. Some periods fly by with lightness and joy, some inch along very, very slowly. Of course the point of the day is not personal enjoyment or entering an extraordinary state of consciousness. Rather, the intention is to recognize that the sources of dis-ease and violence within myself and the greater world are one and the same.
Sitting with all that arises in mind and body, eyes wide open to the great injustices on this planet AND finding that uncomfortable, broken-hearted peace that comes through acceptance of “what is” is the practice.
How can one be at peace with social injustice and a broken heart? I don’t know. Yet I know it is essential. By “at peace” I do not mean that one is resting joyfully or without pain. I mean something like not adding to the hatred while returning to presence by grounding in the present moment and consciously acknowledging the various forms in which suffering arises.
At the beginning of each quarter of the day, I offer a subject for our focus.
We start the day at 6:00 am. No words, rather we hold an intention to include the inner and outer world in our field of awareness. Sitting with whatever arises in body and mind is our task. Through simple, whole-hearted acknowledgment of each inner voice, we attempt to neutralize any mind states of conflict. We become the place of peace. This peace does not always feel wonderful, rather it is accepting, awake and aware.
At 9:00am, we focus on violence that is created through racial identity. Since many anthropologists do not even see the validity of a category called race, maybe we can more accurately say the violence that is perpetrated due to varying skin colors. Said that way, it seems even more absurd.
I suppose in our genes, connected to our tribal history, are strong forces of “us and them”, with all of “them” being dangerous and of differing worth. Clearly, humanity will not be at peace until this confusion about skin color, tribes, and “us and them” is eliminated. A festering wound lives around our planet and is reaching a new boiling point in the United States. If Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War was the first wave of healing and Martin Luther King and the Civil Rights movement the second wave, then we are in the third wave of exhuming this obscene body of hatred from its shallow grave.
At the 12:00 pm meditation cycle, we focus on gender violence in all its forms. Its most obvious and pernicious version remains alarmingly, unbelievably prevalent in our world today. Women and children throughout our precious planet are, right now, being raped and brutalized. While violence is often expressed sexually, it is important to see that this is a subset of all desire to dominate. The “negative masculine” (often, but not always in the form of men) seeks DOMINATION. It is a hungry beast eating voraciously in a desperate attempt not to experience its own inner pain.
This can be seen in our relations to other people, animals and the earth itself. When we destroy the rain forest or the oceans without thought for the future, the same kind of domination that creates sexual slavery is at work.
At 3:00pm our focus shifts to violence in the name of belief. While this is often religious in nature, it actually includes any belief that seeks to justify violence toward others. We will not find peace on this planet until enough people can stand clearly and firmly for their values without “killing” the other. In my picture this killing can be in word or deed. Although there are clear, gross versions of this all over our planet, from Syria to Tibet, I want to include the more subtle expressions in our own minds and hearts. We need to learn to argue and disagree passionately but with respect, while listening deeply to the pain and needs living in the other.
- How do I use my voice or my logic to kill?
- When do I confuse cleverness with wisdom?
- When do I turn my values into a hammer in which I metaphorically beat others?
- Can we disagree without hatred?
These are questions for true peacemakers.
Gautama Buddha spoke of three poisons: greed, hatred and ignorance.
Greed is the unbridled, all-consuming state: “I want and I take”.
Hatred is the all-consuming passion: “I will destroy you, you are nothing”.
Ignorance is the “inability to open our hearts, minds and eyes to others and experience our interconnectivity with all of life”.
May we all continue to work to clarify our internal voices, confusions and sufferings as we also engage in actions toward social justice in the healing of our shared world.
Peace is our calling, our deep need. May we all work together in creating a planet in which greed, hatred and ignorance can be healed as we become truly humane and loving beings. I believe we can choose this as our collective destiny.
HOLDING LIFE PRECIOUS: The Act of Bowing by Russell Delman From April 2009 newsletter
My friend James has cancer; a shortened life is now predicted. A student named Susan was misdiagnosed, her apparent cancer is gone. Everyday in small and large ways our life moves from circumstances that disappoint us to those that bring relief and joy.
How can we live with this ever-changing reality?
In my seminars and in my life I enjoy, value and even depend on the simple inner/outer gesture of bowing.
The act of bowing is not just a formalized ritual. It is the embodied expression of our intention to place the reality of Life above our hopes, dreams, and desires. This does not mean that we do not have these hopes, dreams, desires- they are also part of the fabric of our life. Bowing means that we place the reality of our life above these hopes/dreams/desires when they are not synchronous. Of course by ‘bowing’ I mean both the physical act and more importantly, the inner gesture of saying Yes to “what is” without denying ANY of the reactions that arise in relation to what is. This is called living out the reality of our Life/Self. It is also called humility.
Living out the reality of our Life means that EVERYTHING we encounter is our Self, which is exactly the same as saying everything we experience is our Life. Normally we separate out our Life and our Self, as if we have this thing called a Self that lives in encounter with something called “my body” and that this Self meets what we call our Life.
Actually this is a big error and leads to a lot of trouble. Everything you encounter is your Self/Life. You are inseparable from the reality of your Life as it is arising in your personal circumstances. Yet these personal individual circumstances are an expression of Life itself. This can be called UNIVERSAL SELF through which we are all interconnected and yet we each have our individual experiences of this grand interconnectedness.
Please do not think this is abstract philosophy. I am addressing the actual pain, worry, fear, self-judgments, anger and anxiety that arise in our daily life. Just as the weather changes so do our circumstances. This will be true forever. How do we step back and remember the truth of this Self/Life that both includes and is free from these changing circumstances? How do we enact this larger understanding?
When we bow, our heart is accepting our personal limitations as we simultaneously sense this Universal Self. In the Christian world it is the gesture of saying “Thy will not my will”. In the Dharma world it is acknowledging that right here, right now Buddha Nature (Universal Self) is functioning through me. In both cases, even when there is pain or sorrow, there is no sense that something is fundamentally “wrong”.
My friend James has cancer. It is virulent and many thoughts/feelings arise from this diagnosis. A student named Susan recently heard that a cancer diagnosis was inaccurate; her tests were confused with those of another person. Clearly, we who love them feel sadness, concern, relief and elation in connection with the differing circumstances. YET, beyond positive/negative and heaven/hell is the overwhelming truth that each is living the reality of Life/Self. We do not need to downplay our feeling responses in order to ALSO place reality above our preferences. At a fundamental level, Love-Peace-Truth-Joy are alive within all these circumstances. This is the cutting edge of the awakening life! We bow to Life itself!
Heaven or Hell, love or hate
No matter where I turn
I meet myself.
Holding life precious is
Just living with all intensity
Holding life precious.
-Kosho Uchiyama Roshi
A Drop in the Bucket
Thirty-one years ago, my wife Linda and I were working seven days a week with brain-injured children at Mother Teresa’s Mission in Calcutta. With a surprising sense of ordinariness and familiarity, each week we would walk down the street to Mother House for our weekly, private meeting with Mother Teresa in her small bedroom and anteroom, just big enough for her bed, dresser and a few chairs.
One day, with a light, joyful step we climbed the stairs to her room, exuding prideful happiness. Pradeep, a blind boy of approximately 4 years had walked for the first time this week. In a remarkable neurological congruence, he also began saying his first intelligible words. All the sisters and helpers were gleefully thrilled. We felt so special. With her laser-like perceptiveness, before we said a word, Mother, who was helping so many, looked out her window at the masses on the street and said with deep sorrow, “there is so little we can do, we help one and thousands more are born." A humbling moment indeed.
The next week, we were in an opposite inner condition. Feeling the weight of Calcutta, surrounded by so much suffering, we trudged heavily up her stairs. Greeting us at the door, with a twinkle in her eyes, Mother said, “isn’t it wonderful, every drop in the bucket makes it that much more full.”
This expression, “a drop in the bucket” lives frequently for Linda and me. The dual reality that there is so little we can do to influence all the suffering on this planet AND every drop in the bucket somehow really helps is a true Zen koan.
People often use the phrase “it's just a drop in the bucket” to convey a kind of hopeless minimizing of the effects of one’s behavior. When I sense into this version of “just a drop” my chest gets tight and a kind of heavy resignation comes into my heart. From this point of view, with so many devastating problems in the world, any solutions: recycling, electric cars, meditating, eating less sugar, volunteering at the local shelter, donating to causes, etc. all seem so pointless. Simultaneously, I can see Mother Teresa’s twinkling eyes extolling the importance and virtue of each act of kindness. Living with both of these seems helpful to me. The former brings humility, the latter hopeful, inspired energy.
Intention and Action: Everything Effects Everything
Our every action is a drop in the bucket. Both our intention and ensuing actions effect the world in often unknown and remarkable ways. I like to tell the story of an ordinary situation that occurred ten years ago when I was driving on the highway, almost late for a very important appointment. There was much traffic, and anxiety flooded my body. All of a sudden I realized that my exit was very close and that I was in the wrong lane. In my mind's eye, I can still see the gracious smile of the woman in the next lane who waved her hand to let me go in front of her. Many times since then, I have thanked her! Think of how many times each day seemingly insignificant behaviors create ripples of influence. These are drops in the bucket.
What is the effect of any particular action? Is it a life-giving drop? Are we adding, in some small way, to the goodness in the world? By goodness, I mean that there is more kindness, beauty, warmth, truth or genuine freedom as a result. These values can sound big or demanding yet my criteria include very small, seemingly insignificant moments. Holding a door for someone, offering a smile, radiating a moment of gratitude all fit for me. Having an intention toward small acts of kindness literally changes your world. Having an intention toward gratitude for the small gifts of everyday life also instantly changes your world. Even one’s inner state, without overt action permeates into and influences the environment.
Effecting and Affecting Each Other
When The Embodied Life School hosts our all day sittings for planetary peace, we are offering a “drop in the bucket”. Our inner state influences the atmosphere around us, we are always inter-effecting and inter-affecting. We never really can know the effect of our state on others and even the earth itself yet, since our entire life is a web of interrelationship, this inter-effecting is constant. Some neurologists speak of limbic resonance to help describe this transferring of states to each other. All pet owners and parents know this. While a day of sitting meditation holding the planet and all Beings known and unknown in our hearts might be helpful, even much smaller deeds are a true contribution to the emotional air we breathe together. This inter-affecting is also constant.
Brief moments of aligning with peace become small transmissions into the atmosphere. If we connect intentionally to the core Embodied Life practice of PAUSING, GROUNDING, BREATHING and then allow this moment of “peaceful abiding” to connect with the outer world, we are functioning as emissaries of peace.
I want to call this the “drop in the bucket” practice. Whether sitting all day, for a half hour or just finding our inner neutrality for a few moments, this is a contribution to our collective well-being. One key ingredient is the inclusion of the outer world in our attention. In my opinion, we have a much more potent influence when the condition that we cultivate within our personal bodies is offered in humble hopefulness to the greater body that we share.
A Drop in the Bucket Practice
At least once each hour, and ideally more often, I intend to pause in this way. When caught up in the demands of my inner and outer world, this pausing is the greatest gift I know for everyone, including myself. Even when I feel generally in harmony, I intend to offer this moment to the earth and all her creatures, including you and me. I wonder, will you join me in the “drop in the bucket” practice?